Allen's History of the 'F' Word
by Emmrys
Summary: When Lenalee hears a word she believes to be English, she goes to Allen for help figuring out what the word means. Implied Yullen. Heavy use of the F word, and is therefore rated T. I believe M is to be saved for Lemons.


**DISCLAIMER: Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use.**

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Everything was as usual in the Black Order. Komui was building a new Komurin, Reever was trying to get Komui to work, Lavi was annoying Kanda, Kanda was trying to decapitate Lavi, Lenalee was serving coffee to all the members of the science team, and Allen was busy gorging himself on all the food in the mess hall. You know, the usual.

Seeing that she wasn't needed at the time, Lenalee decided to go see Allen while she had a break. On her way to the mess hall, where Allen was sure to be, she walked past a finder who she knew to be from America. Right when she was passing by, the finder tripped, sending all the papers he was carrying scattering across the floor. After he had regained his bearings, he shouted a single word, one she knew not to be one of the Japanese language**(1)**.

"Fuck!"

"Oh!" she rushed to help him gather all of the paper he dropped, all the while wondering what the word meant.

"Here you go!" She sang happily as she gave him the stack she collected.

"Oh, thank you Lenalee-san." He bowed gratefully before hurrying off to where ever he was heading originally.

She continued on her was to see Allen, pondering what language the word could be. From what she heard it could be either German**(2)** or English. Remembering that Allen was from Britain**(3)** where she knew they spoke English, she decided to ask him if he knew what it meant or if it was English at all.

She approached him to see him finishing off his last dango, and also the last item in his meal.

'Perfect.' now she could ask him without having to interrupt his meal.

"Allen!" She called out to him as she jogged to his table.

"Allen! I have a question for you!"

"What is it Lenalee?" He wiped his mouth and answered.

"Well, on my way here, a finder in the hallway dropped a stack of paper and I heard him shout the most unusual word. It sounded either German or English, so I was wondering if you knew what it meant."

"What was the word?" He looked up at her with a questioning look.

"Well-" Just then Lavi burst in to the mess hall followed by Kanda, brandishing his sword and chasing after said person.

"Allen! Save me!" Allen's eyes widened as he saw Lavi hurtling toward him.

Right as Kanda went to swipe at Lavi he ducked behind Allen, Kanda stopping just in time to not decapitate Allen.

"Che," Kanda muttered as he closed his eyes and sheathed his sword, an annoyed look on his face.

"Don't _ever _call me by my first name, Baka Usagi." He sat down at the table across from Allen while Lavi sat beside Allen.

"Hehe, whoops. Anyway, Allen, what are you and Lenalee talkin' about?"

"She was just about to ask me about a word some finder said in the hallway. She said it might have been German or English, so she came to ask me." He sat with his eye brows furrowed, clearly displeased at being interrupted in the middle of a conversation.

"Well then, go on." He grinned and rested his chin between his hands, elbows resting on the table top.

"Anyway, Lenalee, go on." Allen said, a pleasant smile on his face as he turned to look at Lenalee.

"Hmm? Oh, okay. Well, the word he said was, 'Fuck'." Allen's and Lavi's**(4)** eyes widened to comical levels while Kanda had a confused look upon his face. If either Allen or Lavi had been drinking anything they surely would have done a spit take.

"L-lenalee, hehe, are you sure you heard him right?" Said a nervous Lavi.

"Oh I'm positive. He practically shouted it!"

Meanwhile, a devilish grin had spread across Allen's face. Of course he, who had traveled the world with _the _Cross Marian, would know _all_ the possible meanings of the word fuck.

"Ahem,"He cleared his throat, getting everybody's attention. "You were correct in guessing that to be either English or German. It is, in fact, English. If you would like, I could give you a lesson on the meaning of the word?" He looked to her with a now pleasant smile on his face, though a devil like glint was still present in his eyes.

"Oh! Could you really?" Lenalee was practically beaming, hands clasped in front of her chest, eyes wide, excited to finally know what the word meant. Honestly! It had been driving her crazy!

"Of course!" Allen smiled yet again.

Lavi was less enthusiastic about the whole situation, though. I mean, seriously, teaching sweet little Lenalee the meaning of _that word?_

"Heh, Moyashi-chan, do you _really _think it's such a good idea to teach her the meaning of such a word?" He immediately knew he made a mistake when Allen turned to glare at him. Calling him that just reduced any chance he had to convince him otherwise to dust.

"Why of _course_, Lavi! Why should we keep such information from Lenalee? She deserves to know what it means. She's a big girl after all." Small devils horns popped from his head and his eyes were white as he said this.

"Allen! Allen! Could you tell me now, _please?_ I'm _dieing _to know!" Lenalee practically begged him.

"Oh of course! Now, I present to you, **History of the 'F' Word!**"

Allen stood up from the table bench, and stood upon the table itself, gaining the attention of everyone in the hall, everything quieting down.

"Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the English language today, is the word _fuck._ Out of all the English words that begin with the letter 'F', _fuck_ is the only word referred to as 'the f word.." Lenalee eyes widened. She didn't know that! Maybe she should be taking notes? Reaching into a small pocket on her exorcist coat, she pulled out a small notepad and a pen and wrote the information down.

"It's the one magical word. Just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love." Now Lenalee wasn't the only one paying attention, oh no. Kanda was paying rapt attention as well, mentally making a note to ask to borrow Lenalee's notes. Lavi on the other hand, was repeatedly banging his head against the table.

"Lavi, hush. I'm _trying _to teach a lesson here." Allen admonished him.

"Ahem, where was I? Oh yes! _Fuck_, as most words in the English language is derived from German ...the word fuieken, which means to strike.

In English, fuck falls into many grammatical categories:" Lavi's eyes widened as he realized what was to come, as did anybody else in the mess hall who spoke English or knew what the word meant.

"As a transitive verb for instance ...Kanda fucked Allen." Allen eyes slid to Kanda who smirked as he caught the meaning of that sentence, and Lavi's and Lenalee's face flushing as they too caught the meaning, though Lenalee still dutifully taking notes.

"As an intransitive verb...Allen fucks." He smirked as he said that.

His smile came back, as pleasant and bright as always.

"Its meaning is not always sexual, as it can be used as...,

"An adjective such as ...Kanda's doing all the fucking work." Kanda nodded approvingly at that.

"As part of an adverb ...Lavi talks too fucking much." Kanda smirked at that and Lavi yelled an indignant 'Hey!', but was ignored.

"As an adverb enhancing an adjective ...Kanda is fucking beautiful." He smirked at Kanda as he said it while Kanda glared back.

"As a noun ...I don't give a fuck.

As part of a word ...absofuckinglutely -or- infuckingcredible." He started changing his tone of voice and facial expressions to match the sentence's.

"And as almost every word in a sentence ...Fuck the fucking fuckers." Kanda seemed to like this one, as he smirked and snickered lightly.

"As you must realize, there aren't too many words with the versatility of fuck...such as these examples describing situations such as:" He continued to match his voice and expression with that of the sentence.

"Fraud ...I got fucked at the used clothing store(5).

Dismay ...ah, fuck it.

Trouble ...I guess I'm really fucked now.

Aggression ...Don't fuck with me buddy.

Difficulty ...I don't understand this fucking question.

Inquiry ...Who the fuck was that?

Dissatisfaction ...I don't like what the fuck is going on here.

Incompetence ...He's a fuck-off.

Dismissal ...Why don't you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself?" As he ended, Lenalee burst into muffled giggles at all the sentences and his expressions.

"I'm sure you can think of many more examples.

With all these multi purpose applications, how can anyone be offended when you use the word? We say use this unique, flexible word more often in your daily speech.

It will identify the quality of your character immediately.

Say it loudly and proudly..." He seemed to pause for dramatic effect...

"...FUCK YOU!" He shouted brightly.

Everyone in a mess hall started to clap loudly as he finished. He proceeded to get off the table and sit back down next to Lenalee.

"Does that answer your question, Lenalee?" He inquired with a happy smile.

"Oh yes! Thank you so much Allen-kun! It was wonderful!" She gave him a big hug and he patted her back in return. Just as she was pulling away, a bright smile upon her face, Komui walked into the mess hall.

"Did I miss something?" He asked, seeing nearly everybody clapping and staring at Allen.

**A/N's: Hey guys! So, I went to UrbanDictionary to look up FUBAR(Fucked up beyond all recognition/reason/repair) and it said to click 'fuck' to get the whole meaning and such, and it reminded me of _"The History of the 'F' Word"._ I decided to go to FFN to look it up and see if there was a DGM one, and was sad to see that there were only three stories with the keywords, "History of the 'F' Word", and none of them being DGM. To say the least, I was really very saddened and decided to make one myself. So, this is the result! ^^**

**1: I decide that at the Black Order, they all speak Japanese, or else it wouldn't make sense because then Lenalee would obviously know the meaning of the word.**

**2:Fuck is derived from a German word, so I thought, what the hell. Why not?**

**3:Since everybody speaks Japanese, they have to live in Japan, not Britain like they do in the show.**

**4: Lavi's a bookman, and would naturally know many languages, English included.**

**5: They live in the 19th century(1800's), so of course there's not going to be cars, let alone a used car lot as it is usually.**

**Anyway, REVIEW! |I think the button's somewhere there? I dunno...**

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